There have been countless moments that I have sat to myself thinking, I have no idea what‘s going on, what I’m doing, or who I am. What is all of this even for?
Regardless of what age or stage of life you’re in I think we can all agree: navigating life can be confusing, overwhelming, painful, and scary. But the biggest thing I’ve learned is that most of all, it’s beautiful.
Everything means something.
Each failure is just as meaningful as the success. Each heartbreak is just as powerful as the relationship. Each moment is equally as significant as the last and the next.
To be alive is such a gift, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Life is a beautiful dance between pleasure and pain, ease and disease.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned about the nature of love and life that we all have the privilege to be a part of.
1. the only person responsible for your own happiness is you
other people are not responsible for your happiness. not your friends, your partner, or your family, it’s you.
people will make decisions that hurt. you will find yourself in unfair situations and circumstances. but ultimately, you decide how you want your life to be. you can either choose to dwell in the low emotions of things that “happened to you” or find a way to see how things “happened for you”. you are responsible for how you show up in this world and the quality of your life.
when the inevitable life challenges come, the only person who can find a reason to keep going and push through is you.
2. speak up, your words have value
you have everything to gain from sharing your truth and everything to lose from keeping quiet.
tell people when you’re sad. tell people when you’re disappointed. tell people when you’re frustrated. tell people you love them. tell people what you really think. tell people what makes you feel alive.
find your voice and share it through art, words, a song, your work, anything, and everything you do. what you think, and how you feel matters. don’t keep yourself small for the comfort of others. you will miss out on so much love and possibility that life has to offer.
3. find pleasure in the mundane parts of life.
life is happening all around us in every moment. not just in the big things like birthdays, marriage, or graduation but also in the small things like doing the dishes, listening to your favorite song, and smiling at a stranger.
if you can become present enough to notice the value in the simplicities and mundane, everything becomes an opportunity for joy or peace.
4. the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself.
share your heart with others but don’t give it away.
don’t lose yourself in someone else and especially not for someone else. in the end, the only one who will always be there for you is you.
the foundation of your life decisions and other relationships is built on how you view yourself, how you treat yourself, and how you love yourself. create a relationship within that is so unshakeable that nothing outside of you can influence it.
learn how to comfort yourself in sadness. learn what you need from life and learn how to give it to yourself. become whole so that no one and nothing can ever make you feel less than you are.
5. follow your gut
when you know someone or something isn’t right for you, you know.
and that knowing isn’t going away. you can either prolong the suffering and in between stages or you can stand firm in your knowing and listen to it. don’t do something or avoid something or be something just because you’re scared of what’s on the other side of saying no to whatever that something is.
trust yourself enough to know that you know what’s best for you.
“Whenever you’re given a choice between disappointing others or disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else.” – Glennon Doyle
6. when you have the choice, choose love.
surprise, you always have a choice.
if you are guided by love in your thoughts, actions, and words you will create beautiful connections and experiences. love is the foundation on which everything good is built. the only thing you can control is yourself and how you show up in the world so why not do it with love?
not everyone will choose love, but you can.
7. use your sacred ‘no’
say no to things that don’t serve you. say no when you feel uncomfortable. say no to the things you don’t like. say no when it’s not a full yes. if you’re only doing something because you’re scared to miss out, or what others will think, or your feel like you have to, it’s a no. you won’t miss out on life by saying no, life is happening everywhere all at once. don’t force yourself or settle into an undesirable situation.
find soveirgnty in the ability to say no in a world where we are told we can and should do everything all the time.
you are able to give so much more to life when you come from a rested balanced place. when your no is as genuine and easy as your yes.
8. find some hobbies
spend time doing things that bring light into your life without the need for it to be anything more than enjoyable.
there is a limitless world of activities to choose from. reading, dancing, learning a language, baking, writing, crocheting, hiking, yoga, painting, making music, scrapbooking, etc.
find little things to fill your cup outside of work, school, or other responsibilities.
9. welcome discomfort
the only real change comes from the unfamiliar and unknown.
in discomfort, you will find ways to forge forward and express yourself without previous associations or patterns holding you hostage. you are free to choose how you want to show up.
you learn the world, people, and yourself when you release control and are open to the unknown.
this is where you begin to write your own story.
10. connect with nature.
most of your anxieties and worries can be soothed simply by spending time in nature.
find comfort in spaces that were created and have remained without the influence of man. everything we have is given to us from the earth, we have so much to learn and feel in it’s presence.
plant your bare feet on the ground and find balance. breathe the fresh air and feel alive. touch the plants with your fingertips and fill with wonder. connect with the source from which we came and will eventually return to.
give gratitude for all of the beauty and miracles that have absolutely nothing to do with you but know that somehow you play a part in it. there’s not much else to it.
11. fall in love with each stage of your life.
we often are caught in the narrative that the purpose of life is to get to a specific goal and everything in between is just a means in that journey. but the in-betweens are where life happens.
life is living with your parents while you look for a job. life is being single, looking for a relationship. life is questioning anything and everything. the parts that feel boring or useless, and the times you feel lost without direction are necessary for determining and guiding you to the next step.
each moment is a contribution to and of life.
we always think life amounts to how much you accomplish or what you become but life is all of it. be present and thankful for the moments of stagnation, every step forward, and every step backward. relish in the pause you find yourself in. the in-between stages of life can actually turn out to be the most influential.
12. be gentle and forgiving.
everyone has their own story and their own trauma that comes with it. life isn’t a competition of who has suffered the most. we like to think that we all are so different but really we’re not. we all want love, we all want joy, we all want peace.
meet people where they are with acceptance and release your judgments.
everyone has a shadow that follows them, sometimes taking the place of their true self. when you meet that shadow, don’t hold onto the hate, anger, or deceit that it gives. forgive and know that they are doing the best they can with what they know.
13. stop searching for a purpose.
somehow we have all been fed this idea that we have to find our one purpose in life. something grand and meaningful and unique. when we are looking for something ‘bigger’ we are overlooking all of the other small opportunities for purpose in our lives.
learn to find purpose in making a meal for loved ones. find purpose in driving your car from one place to another. find purpose in watering your plants. find purpose in breathing, living, loving, and experiencing. when you choose to do everything in life intentionally you suddenly realize that your purpose, everyone’s purpose, can be found simply through living.
there is value in everything you do. every moment is an opportunity to live purposefully.
14. find out what scares you, and do it.
oftentimes we allow fear to hold us, hostage. we settle for a life that is fine, normal, and usually a little boring. this is a life that is not really ours.
when I say “find out what scares you, and do it” I’m not talking about facing a phobia of snakes or spiders. I’m talking about fear of the unknown, what others may think, or failure. choosing a career, relationship, moving, or any life decision can feel just as scary as a snake slithering at your feet. but in this case, your fear doesn’t protect you from anything real. they are just excuses for you to stay where you are. the false reality of safety comforting you in the denial of yourself.
the things that are meant for you will find you. you will feel a desire inside guiding you toward who and where you’re meant to be. the only person who’s really holding you back is you. there are always more reasons to do it than not, whatever it is.
dont miss out on the dance of life because you’re scared. you will regret sitting when the music was calling to you.
15. say thank you.
there is a possibility to find and give gratitude in every situation.
when someone holds the door for you, a loved one takes care of you, a friend does you a favor. big or small, say thank you & mean it.
16. make time for silence.
its impossible to unload everything we feel, think, and experience when each moment of our day is full. we are always stimulating ourselves with tasks, devices, socialization, and constant doing. there is so much to gain from sitting still and being quiet.
meditate. reflect. breathe. be mindful.
in the silence is where we find our strength, peace, forgiveness, love, joy, and gratitude.
17. change is inevitable.
things aren’t meant to stay the same & you are not one certain way. release your attachments to outcomes and expectations of others and flow with the changes of life. let go of the narrative that you are this and not that.
being open to change is where we allow the opportunities of life to bless us. maybe one day you’re a student and the next you’re the teacher.
allow yourself the freedom to explore, fail, learn, grow, and change. everyone and everything changes.
18. don’t sweat the small stuff.
don’t waste your time worrying about hypotheticals or mistakes.
if you wore clothes that didn’t match, spilled a drink at dinner, or failed a test, you will survive. most likely, you won’t even remember it and neither will anyone else.
people remember how you made them feel more than what you were wearing or what you said.
19. let it go.
whatever it is. anger. resentment. expectations. a friendship.
if it isn’t serving you, set it free.
people will disappoint you, hurt you, and leave you. all you can do is feel it, grieve it, learn from it, and move on. if not, the only person you’re hurting is yourself.
20. vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
when we were young we were taught to share our toys with others. when it came to our feelings we were often taught to keep quiet.
in a world where it’s easier to turn away and protect yourself from the cruelties of life, choosing to stay soft is hard. opening your heart is one of the bravest things you can do as a woman, as a man, as a person. knowing there’s a risk of feeling pain, injustice, and anger but doing, saying, and feeling it anyway.
through vulnerability, we are motivated to be and create what we want to see in this life. the strength to make a change comes from the heartbreak and suffering you feel.
vulnerability brings us closer to others, the world, and ourselves. open yourself to beautiful possibilities by opening your heart.
Your writing is so amazingly thoughtful, Mackenzie, and spoken right from the heart. I will read it over and over, as it makes me really think about life and how I live it. As you say, “choosing to stay soft is hard ,” but it is the way. You have such insight, and at such a young age, yet I am growing old, and you are teaching me.
Thank you Nani, this was such a sweet and thoughtful comment. So happy to share with you <3